All Any of Us Want to Remember
by Daughter of Erudtion
Summary: It is not long after the tragic death of a character that we all loveOotPspoilersand Remus Lupin is dealing with his torturous thoughts.He deals with feelings and doubts that he has long kept burried.COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

All any of us want to remember about that fateful day was how cold the weather was. Lily and James had always enjoyed the cold; it was more romantic according to Lily. It was a match that only a few of us saw coming. We all hold to the fact that they knew deep down that they cared about each other, but those feelings didn't surface until our seventh year at Hogwarts. 

Hogwarts, now those were good times ... good times. James Potter and Lily Evans, Head Boy and Girl, a more perfect match could never be found. Hogwarts was a melting pot for all of us you could say.

The Marauders would never have met each other and James and Lily would never have gotten together had it not been for that school. That school was Lily's ambition and the Marauders' playground. Those are the times that we will all try to remember ... if we can that is.

They seem so long ago, so distant. Like completely different people experienced those things. I guess that fate has a way of dealing its cards that we don't always agree with but have to go along with. James and Lily were the perfect couple in the end; but it didn't start out that way. Lily thought James was an arrogant, cocky, rule breaker and she hated him. James thought Lily was a goody-goody that thought she was better than everybody else, but he still wanted her. It started out as a competition you could say, between Sirius and James. Whoever could get Lily to go out with them for at least six months and get a kiss from her would get one hundred galleons from the losing person. This competition was strictly between Sirius and James, Peter and I had nothing to do with it. The reason they chose Lily was because she had never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy, and had the innocence and beauty of an angel. She also had a brilliant mind, was top of every class, and she had even helped a few of the professors teach in her seventh year. But even though she was all this and more, James didn't like her. I on the other hand had fallen for her slightly, but she was too good a friend. She was almost like a sister to me in a sense, a sister that I never had, and that was why Sirius and James would get so annoyed with me. I would always stick up for her, no matter what the situation. But eventually they learned to deal with it and went back to their Lily-hunting.

I knew Lily would never care for me more than as if I were a very dear brother, but sometimes that wasn't good enough for me. I would see Sirius and James flirting with her, and the glares and threatening remarks that they would get in return. Then she would see me, smile and walk on, giving me a cheerful wave. 

Oh how I wanted to be in James or Sirius positions. She would never love a werewolf, she knew what I was and, in a way, it scared her. She would never admit it to me though, because I was her brother, in a sense of the word. My best friends would always give my waves from Lily envious glances, but they never knew how much I would have given to be in their positions. Looking back, I know I knew that I was not really deeply in love with Lily. I let my jealousy overtake my true feelings, tricking my thoughts into becoming untruths. I blamed it on my transformations, my looks, and even my friends. This girl was tearing us all apart, but we were too blind to see it. Eventually, a bond began to build between James and Lily, a bond of friendship, and then love. Sirius was not heartbroken over it, he was mainly ticked that he was probably going to be the one that would have to fork over the money in the end. I watched them carefully, the way that she smiled when she saw him and the way that he gazed into her captivating green eyes. They were in love; that was obvious. I was happy for James on the outside, but on the inside there was a constant battle. James saw it immediately. 

"Moony,"he asked me one day in the common room, "do you love Lily?" 

The one thing about James that took me a while to get used to was his bluntness. If he wanted to know something he wasn't going to beat around the bush, he just asked you straight out. I looked long and hard at my closest friend before answering. 

"I love her like a sister and sometimes, when I'm lonely, more. But Prongs you honestly care about her, deeply and all the time in the same way. You love her and she you, and that is something that I am not going to take away from you. I know that you would consider breaking up with her if I asked you to, but that would break her heart, something that I refuse to do if it is avoidable. Yes, I love her, a friendship sort of love though. And I promise to never interfere with the two of you." The sigh that escaped from James' lips at that moment is something that I will never forget. He was happy now. He had a wonderful girlfriend and a truthful and thoughtful friend. Or at least that was what he thought of me. Sirius eventually gave up on Lily Evans and was prepared to hand James the money, but James refused to take it. 

"I'm not buying our love for each other,"he told Sirius one night in the common room. The grin that spread across Sirius's face was uncanny. He suspiciously glanced at James before turning to Peter and me.

"Think he's serious guys?" 

"Dead serious,"I said, cracking up laughing at my fellow Marauder's joke. Peter grinned and nodded in agreement. Sirius gave James a swift pat on the back as he stood up to leave. He had been assigned a detention for slipping a sleeping draught into the Slytherins pumpkin juice that morning. 

Those were the days that I have never forgotten. The days of carefree youth. Even when the world around us was suffering, somehow we still found a way to have fun. But those days seemed to end after we left school. 

The moment that we graduated Professor Dumbledore came to some of us with a proposition, a chance to join the Order of the Phoenix, an organization that he had founded, "A genius idea if I say so myself,"had been his added comment as he told us all the details. We were young, looking for adventure and a chance to establish ourselves in the wizarding community. 

Dumbledore was careful to make it clear that there was great danger involved in the whole thing. For some reason this important message was the one that we all took the lightest. What did danger mean to us? Danger in our minds was a Quidditch game, or maybe a curse that we had not yet learned to block properly. The farthest thing from our minds was death -the deaths of our friends or even our family. That was the point that he stressed the most, the part that we should have all taken seriously. It would never happen to us. If it happened at all it would happen to the "other guy". 

How wrong we were. 

I remember the first meeting as though it was yesterday. We met in a hidden room in the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade. It was not the securest location in the world, but it was the best we could do at that time. Dumbledore eventually found a room in Hogwarts that would work for our meetings, but that wasn't for another good year or so. The back room at the inn worked well enough for its purpose; Dumbledore had added a few security measures, passwords and such. At that meeting we were introduced to many people that we would become extremely attached to over time, which would make it even harder for us to lose them. Our first mission was to find a job, one that had something to do with the mission that was assigned us.

James was to apply for a position on the Bulgarian Quidditch team, as Seeker of course. Dumbledore greatly stressed the point on how important it was that he make the team. He had his suspicions that some of the players on the team were Death Eaters and he wanted James to keep tabs on them. This was a hard thing for all of us who were friends with him. It was especially hard on Lily because it meant that he would have to move to Bulgaria. It was obvious that it hurt James as much as it was hurting us, but he was not one to back down from responsibility and duty, that was just his way, that was the way he had been raised. 

The most surprising of all our jobs was the one assigned to Sirius. He was to apply for the recently vacated job of Astronomy teacher at Beauxbatons Academy in France. Sirius Black, a professor, and he must have been the most unlikely candidate in the world for such a job. I couldn't help but laugh inwardly at the things my good friend Padfoot was going to teach them, likelier than not nothing at all. 

What had Dumbledore been thinking when he gave Sirius that job? I never got around to asking him, but what does it matter now anyway? Sirius Black, my dear friend Padfoot, is gone forever. 

Lily was assigned a job at a Muggle bookstore in a local rural village where there had been several reports of suspicious characters lurking around, and Dumbledore wanted her to take a look at the whole situation. That job would be one of the most dangerous things that Lily would ever do in her short life, but that is something that I do not want to delve into now ... another time perhaps, but not now. My task was somewhat simple compared to what some of the others were, probably one of the easier tasks that Dumbledore gave that night, or at least at first glance. 

My job was not anything special, in fact it sounded more like a job fit for Sirius, instead of teaching, which was a task that I would have been more than happy to oblige with, and Sirius with mine. I was to just continue what I was doing; keep looking for a job in the wizarding world, but also to hang around the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts, helping Dumbledore and some of the other teachers. I accepted my task, but it was not what I had wanted. After the meeting had come to an end, I ignorantly and selfishly pleaded with Dumbledore to let Sirius and I switch tasks, but all it achieved was a kind reprimand from a man that I greatly admired and hated to disappoint. 

"I have my reasons for making certain choices, Remus. I realize why you have voiced your concerns on this issue and I agree with you. Sirius is not well suited for this challenge at first glance, but I am still going to hold to my decision. But I promise I have justifiable reasons for doing what I have done and that I am only doing what I feel is best. Please do not doubt my judgement, for it could have fatal consequences and you do not yet know the full extent of the future that you are helping to mould. On the other hand, I am reassured that we will triumph in the end with your commendable patience and perceptiveness. Ironically the two qualities that you made you a very admirable choice as a school Prefect in your fifth year if you have not forgotten?" He smiled at me. 

What could I answer to that? Nothing. I could do nothing but mutely nod my head in acknowledgment and feel the color rise slightly in my cheeks. I had foolishly questioned one of the greatest and wisest wizards of all time; I deserved what I got. Except for the compliment that is.

I went home that night with a feeling of great loss that was only out done by the deaths of Lily and James, and now Sirius. James left for Bulgaria early the next morning, Sirius departed for France that same night, Peter Flooed to Wales the following afternoon, and my dear Lily left for her new home the next morning after seeing James off, her heart broken at having to be apart from all the people that she loved. 

Actually, she was not separated from everyone. The village where she was to be living and working was not far from Hogwarts, so most days I would go and visit her after I was done helping Professor Dumbledore. I will never forget the sadness that was always evident on her pretty face, hidden from the world but obvious to those who knew her well. Scared for James, her family, her friends, scared that nothing would ever be the same again. But she was never scared for herself, never worried that she wouldn't make it in the end. She was my inspiration, she kept me going with her determination and hope. I have never forgotten her impact upon me during that very trying time and sometimes those memories become so real that I feel as if she has come back to me, the wistful thoughts of a heartbroken man. 

I do not know why I had such a yearning to record these horrible events in my life, but what does it matter anyway? I can no longer continue with this heart-wrenching task tonight, I may never finish it. But it has done me some good to get this all off my chest. Maybe my dreams will be less torturous tonight. As this is all that I can write I might as well stop wasting parchment and ink and tears. Good-bye for now, maybe eternity.

RemusJ.Lupin 


	2. Chapter 2

It has been many days since I have felt the unquenchable need to once again record my thoughts. Even now as I sit here writing, my mind begins to wander. Harry will be leaving Hogwarts in a matter of days. I know that he will feel lost and alone, but why shouldn't he? Every hope and dream that he ever had has been destroyed.

He loved Sirius in a way that he will never be able to love me. Sirius was the closest thing to a father that he had ever known. Sirius had many things in common with James, even in their looks, but there were no similarities between James and I. We were as opposite as it was possible to be. He was always on a broomstick playing Quidditch or flirting with some girl in the hall, same as Sirius. I preferred to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, and even the thought of going up to some strange girl in the hall during passing time made me shiver.

I can never be the father figure that Sirius would have been. I want to be though. I want to be able to be there for him like Sirius would be if I had been the one to die. I am the only one left. The only one that really knew James and Lily personally, and their own son seems to be shunning me. We all feel guilty for his death. I go over countless things that I could have done to save him…to have taken his place.

To think of Harry, who now feels he is alone in the world, brings so much pain to my heart that I feel as if death would be better than this torturous reality that I am living in.

But I can not leave.

Voldemort has regained power. Harry needs me. Sirius's memory needs me. I guess my time to actually be able to accomplish something great has come, I hope that I have the strength to meet it.

Lily's face is once again haunting my mind. I keep thinking back to that day in the bookshop. It was her break and as always she was using the time to try and tidy the shop a bit; I was with her that day. Helping her to dust the worn oak shelves and straighten the many books.

She talked animatedly, but it was only skin deep. The smile upon her face did not reach her emotional eyes. Her laugh did not come from the depths of her soul, but from her throat. She babbled away like a magpie, something that she never did.

She believed that everything you said should be important and have meaning or you should not waste valuable oxygen to say it. Oh, Lily why did I have to go to Dumbledore about you? I saw all these signs as clearly as a blue sky on a clear day. I wanted to help her, I knew that she was fading. My dear Lily flower was fading before me, and I felt at an extreme loss of how to preserve it, to keep it forever in my possession. Her grasp on the world was fading. She needed James.

After that day I caught myself thinking about how much she needed to see him. I went to Dumbledore with my thoughts and ideas on how to help her. He listened to my ramblings, my bits of incomplete ideas and thoughts, smiling and nodding occasionally at my babble. He eventually decided that it would not be a bad idea for Lily to visit James in Bulgaria. It would prove to the team that James actually had a life and something to live for, which would further their trust of him.

After our discussion I could not wait to speak with Lily the next day, in fact I did not wait. Apparating to her apartment in Diagon Alley I told her all of mine and Dumbledore's plans for her trip. She was thrilled beyond all measure and for the first time in many weeks I saw true hope and joy in her eyes. She once again understood the power and healing with in honest and pure hope.

Oh how much joy I found in that scene, but if only I had known how much pain that trip would cause her, both of them for that matter. In fact almost compromise the Order in the end. Lily was to leave as soon as word could be sent to James and all the arrangements could be made. For the next week whenever I would see her, there would be a smile upon her crimson lips that stretched all the way to the very deep depths of her soul.

She was sincerely and simply happy, a rare thing for any of us to be during that trying time. She left bright and early on a Tuesday morning; I made sure I was there to see her off and give her a gentle hug good bye. She looked at me, wiped the tears from my eyes with a gentle brush of her soft hand, whispered "Thank you," in my ear and grabbed the port key that Dumbledore had prepared. She was gone in a flash; the only thing left was the lingering sensation around my middle where her arms had been wrapped tight. I know that a haggard sigh escaped my mouth. Dumbledore's lips twitched upward knowingly, his eye's melancholy in the coming dawn; he would miss her too. I don't think that she ever knew how important she was to all of us, and she probably wouldn't have believed us even if we had told her. She thought she was insignificant, but in reality she was the core of us all. I can think of countless times when I considered leaving the Order. I was not as strong or as brave as James and Sirius, but the thought of Lily made me stay. I could not cause her disappointment of any kind, even to see a hint of it upon her perfect face made my heart burn with pain and guilt. I had to be there to take care of her while James was gone; I wanted to be. As soon as she arrived in Bulgaria we received a letter from her, James barely comprehensible scrawl mixed in with her prim loopy script. Lily mainly wrote about how amazing the muggle hotel she was staying at was, and James could do nothing but talk about how well Quidditch was going. I do not remember much more about that letter, except that two people that were very happy at that moment in time wrote it, if only it had stayed that way. Lily was to stay in Bulgaria for two weeks and during that time I was to take up her duties, so that the Order would not fall behind in anything that she kept running smoothly. They were little things like informing people of meetings and bringing people up to date on new assignments and findings. There were things that she did though that I could never do; be the one that always brought a smile to a persons face with a nice comment or have a fresh plate of cookies somewhere. It was a "Lily" thing that no one else would ever be able to do and have it feel the same, even if they drank polyjuice potion and mimicked her every move. I hope that Voldemort burns in Hell for all that he has done; all the pain he has caused so many people. I can go no farther with this today, already my thoughts are screaming in anguish because of all this painful remembering. Curse the day that Tom Riddle was born into this world! Five days until the next full moon…I can already feel the savageness of the werewolf mind taking over, Wolfsbain potion or not. And this is where this passage ends…I wonder if it's possible to die of a broken heart. Good-bye for at least two weeks…

Remus J. Lupin


	3. Chapter 3

Harry is at the Dursley's again. He has not written me, or showed any interest in doing so for that matter. Twelve Grimwauld Place is becoming more and more depressing by the day without Sirius here to liven things up.

A sort of hush has fallen over the house; even Ron, Hermione, and Ginny have been uncharacteristically silent. Fred and George have not been at the house much, the melancholy mood that is present here does not set well with either one of them. They did not know him like the rest of us did, so I guess they are under no obligation to feel extremely mournful. And in a way, I hate them for it. They smile and joke and laugh, while the rest of us, me especially, just barely function. Nothing is cheerful here, and even a slight smile seems strange and out of place.

Dumbledore has stopped by several times, pretending that he needed to discuss Order business, but ending up talking solely to me. He's curious to how I'm "holding up" and he wants me to know that we are all feeling the loss of Sirius right now, and because of that we can draw strength from one another. The nosy, incompetent, blundering fool, for supposedly being one of the wisest wizards of all time the man knows absolutely nothing! He does not understand what I am going through right now. Does no one realize that I have no one left in this world? NO ONE! I am completely and utterly alone. And they try and console me…ha. I want to laugh at them all. Just throw my head back and shriek hysterically, to howl like the animal that I am. I'm going mad with grief, and if this is how I feel, I do not even want to try and picture what Harry is going through right now. I wonder if it almost would have been better if Voldemort had murdered Lily and James in Bulgaria. Then Harry would not be here now and would not have to be experiencing all that he is. And Sirius would not be dead.

What am I thinking? I'm being selfish…I don't deserve any compassion. I deserve to be cursed, to be sent to Voldemort in chains and to be tortured. I deserve worse than that. What if James and Lily had actually died in Bulgaria? I doubt that the pain would be any less…and if they had died there then neither would have been able to experience some of the happiest years of their much too short lives.

Bulgaria…where they first came face to face with Voldemort. I will never forget that day when Lily and James suddenly appeared at my door step, their robes torn, James with a large deep cut on his left arm, and Lily with an obvious broken nose and arm. Their wands drawn and their breath short, they pushed past me with out a word. Lily passing out before she could get past the entryway, James collapsing heavily on the couch. I remember picking Lily up in my arms and just holding her there. This was all so strange…and I had so many questions, but neither one was obviously in any condition to answer questions. James eye's though were glistening with fear, and I was very thankful that my home was "unplottable". Lily was still out cold and I was beginning to become slightly worried. I remember shaking her slightly and muttering her name in her ear, brushing her auburn hair out of her face. Finally her eye lids fluttered open, but her green eye's showed the same look as James'; fear. She didn't even question the fact that I was holding her, she just mumbled something about Voldemort and Death Eaters before her eye's closed again. Suddenly I realized what must have happened, and it was amazing that they were alive at all.

I laid Lily beside James on the couch and disapparated to the entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Dumbledore was there because the Wizengamot was holding court, which made it practically impossible to see him. I waited thirty very long minutes, and the entire time I was worried that somehow Voldemort had figured out a way to find Lily and James and was putting them through more pain. I yelled his name as soon as I spotted him, even though I received glares and reprimanding looks for doing so. Dumbledore was by my side in an instant, and I told him everything as quickly as I could. And then we were both in front of my home a second later. "Where are they?" he asked as he walked into my front room, "ah."

Lily had not moved from the position that she had been in when I had left and James was now unconscious as well. Dumbledore looked more worried than I had ever before seen him, "Did either one of them say anything before they became unconscious?" "No, not really, Lily was mumbling something about Voldemort and Death Eaters, but that's all that either of them said." I hated feeling so helpless, these were my two of my closest friends, and yet all I could do was stand off to the side and watch.

Dumbledore gently revived them both with his wand, "Lily, James?" James groaned and Lily let out a scream of terror, tears streaming down her face. "Miss Evans?" Dumbledore asked softly; she stopped screaming. James stared listlessly at the ceiling, his right hand clinching into a fist, then relaxing.

"We need to know what happened."

I was shocked that Dumbledore would force them to talk about it so soon after it had occurred. Lily sat up abruptly, James continued to stare at the ceiling, "Professor, sir," she falteringly, "one of the Death Eaters on the Bulgarian team found out who James and I really were. Voldemort and a group of six or seven Death Eaters cornered us after one of the team's practices. We fought them off as long as we could. I was placed under the Cruciartis curse once; James I think was placed under it about two or three times." Lily was trembling by this time. I wanted to go to her at that moment and hold her in my arms again, tell her everything would be all right, but I resisted that urge.

She continued after a moment's pause, "We both were both dueling, and Voldemort just stood there laughing and watching. He thought it was entertaining. Occasionally he would send a few well-aimed curses, very powerful ones, and Dark ones. We tried to run, but the stadium began to fall down around us and that's how James got that cut on his arm. A metal beam fell and sliced his arm and broke mine. They followed us out, tormenting us and mocking us, basically "toying" with us. The last thing I remember before now is tripping, and Voldemort and three other Death Eaters beginning to advance toward me, but James got to me first and grabbed my hand, apparating at the exact moment our hands made contact." Dumbledore had been looking into her eyes as she said all this, reading her more complex thoughts with occlumency.

They were both in so much pain and I remember thinking at the time that there was no way that either could ever feel that much pain ever again. I was wrong though, as I usually am. What they would experience in the future would make this first encounter look almost enjoyable.

James and Lily stayed at my house for about three weeks until they were fully recovered, but that first day, neither moved from that couch. James held onto her hand tight and Lily kept as close to him as she could. Dumbledore had said it would be best to leave them how they were and not try to deal with any of their physical injuries yet those could be fixed when both had more strength.

I sent owls to both Peter and Sirius later that day, telling them of all that had happened and what the current situation was like. Sirius showed up at my house three days after I had sent him the owl, going against specific orders from Dumbledore to stay in France. By that time Lily and James had both moved off the couch and their injuries had been dealt with, but neither could stand to be apart from the other for very long. Sirius was there to keep my spirits up and help me take care of them, and I know that I couldn't have made it through that time without him.

Dumbledore thought it best if they not be admitted to St. Mungos, and I agreed. Sirius didn't care where they were, as long as they could both get better.

During those long three weeks Peter never came to see them, never wrote to see how they were even doing. When I confronted him about it later on, he'd said that he had been very busy. He said it in a rush though and would not look me in the eye, the traitor. He was the one that had dropped the tip of who the "spy" was on the Bulgarian Quidditch team. We didn't know that at the time though, so we all believed the fool. Lily recovered before James did. She was up and about after about only a week, her arm and nose completely healed, and a sad smile upon her face.

But James…he barely moved. He wouldn't eat much and I know that he rarely slept. He just stared at the ceiling, unblinking, barely breathing sometimes. Lily would sit next to him, holding his hand and whispering to him. He talked to only her for at least two weeks, and whenever Sirius or I were around he would not make a sound. Someone sat by his bed constantly, mainly Lily, but Sirius and I would insist upon her getting sleep and would switch with her on a regular basis. The cut on his arm began to heal, but slowly. It was deep, all the way to the bone, but it did not seem to matter to him much.

Finally on a stormy Monday morning at around five, James spoke, "Moony."

At first I thought I was dreaming, his voice was just as strong and clear as it always had been and he sounded like his old self. I looked at him and for the first time in two weeks I saw the old sparkle back in his eyes, "Yes James?" "Do you think Lily would marry me?"

It was the strangest thing for him to ask at that moment. He had narrowly escaped death! He had not said a single word to anyone but Lily for two whole bloody weeks! And the first words out of his mouth; "Do you think Lily would marry me?"! James would continue to baffle me with the more he said.

"Well I just realized that the only thing that really matters to me right now is her. When I saw Voldemort appear, my first thoughts were to her. And I was so afraid that she was dead when she tripped, she didn't move for at least a minute. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to be the one to protect her. I want…" I looked away from him, knowing what was coming, " I want her to be mine forever." He looked at me imploringly. "She would marry you James, she loves you. The only person she has cared about this whole time is you. It does not matter to her at all how she is doing, just how you are."

I had always known that this day would come, it was to be expected, but yet I had somehow convinced myself that it would never come. I should have known better.

Later that day, James got out of bed for the first time in at least two weeks. He was wobbly on his legs, but with help from Sirius and me he was able to stumble into the kitchen where Lily was sitting with a cup of strong tea. She shrieked happily at the sight of him out of bed, but withstood the urge to run up and hug him, which I know James was very thankful for.

Oh, to see the joy in both their eyes…to them they were alone, wrapped up in each other and temporarily lost to us. As soon as James became more stable on his legs it was off to London. Sirius went with him and I stayed behind with Lily. I was torn between happiness and joy. The girl that I loved more than life itself was going to be married to one of my best friends, as there was no doubt in my mind that she would tell him yes. In a way, that was my last day with her…

Lily never expected a thing. What can I say? We made sure that the surprise actually stayed a surprise, a very rare thing I will have you know. He took her to the Leaky Cauldron, hardly the most romantic spot in the world, but familiar and comforting. They sat down at the table that the Marauders always used to sit at, tucked back in a corner far enough away from all the hustle and bustle to talk secretly, but close enough to pull pranks on the unsuspecting customers.

Sirius and I were there, but unbenounced to Lily, as James told us that this was going to be a "romantic dinner for two, not a gorge session". "Then why are you taking her to the bloody Cauldron?" Sirius asked in disgust, James just rolled his eyes and a playful banter followed Sirius's sarcastic remark.

So that night, Sirius and I observed the scenario from a table out of their sight, but that allowed us to see them. It was in reality somewhat boring for a while, watching the two flirt and laugh and smile at each other; it took all myself control not to fall asleep, but then it happened. Without warning he pulled out his chair and dropped to his knees in front of her.

"Lily, I love you more than life itself and I can not bear to be without you any longer. Will you please marry me?" "Yes," Lily whispered, tears streaming down her pale cheeks, "yes." The relief that showed on James' face in that moment was laughable. He had no reason to be worried. Lily felt the exact way about him that he felt about her; they were destined to be together.

I remember thinking in that moment about how now they would settle down and just focus on starting a family and life as a married couple. I should have known them better than that.

With all the threats starting to appear with the continual rising of the Dark Lord, Lily barely had time to plan her _own_ wedding since she continued to still work full time for the Order.

They were married about a year later on April second. It was rainy and somewhat dreary, but nothing could demolish the joy of that day. Lily was so beautiful…so beautiful and so happy. And James, well he was up in the sky somewhere, completely preoccupied with his thoughts about Lily.

I don't remember much about the wedding, except for Sirius starting to drift off to sleep and bump into me, earning him a sharp jab in the ribs, and Peter on my other side watching in rapt attention.

The reception afterwards was humorous and enjoyable, how could it not have been, the Marauders were there. After that night though, everything was different, but the difference was a good one and I'm glad that it came into being.

Lily and James encountered Voldemort two more times and escaped from him both times, but they were forever haunted by the encounters. Harry came about a year after they were married and he was the pride and joy of everyone that knew the Potters closely.

Then everyone blinked…and Lily and James were gone forever. Harry was without parents. Sirius was in Azkaban. Peter was supposedly dead. I was heart broken and alone…like I am now in fact.

Except this time the pain is even more intense because I know that almost all hope is gone. So this is the end of my past, at least the part that causes me the most pain and wears upon my mind the most heavily at this moment. This has helped me though in a way, and maybe it will continue to help in the trying days ahead. Good-bye…

Remus J. Lupin

**The End**


End file.
